I wrote this little ‘ditty’ when we moved to America in 2002. I had, at that point, only cooked a Thanksgiving meal once before, in 1987! I will never forget that day. (To find out why, read an amazing testimony on my page called “James”).
This time of year used to be my least favorite, thanks to turkeys. At one point in time, the thought of cooking a Thanksgiving meal terrified me and made me break out in a hot sweat. (Now when I have hot sweats it’s NOT due to turkeys, but that’s another story altogether…)
OH! ALAS! THE PERILS OF THANKSGIVING FOR AN ENGLISH GAL!
Thoughts such as these are the beginning of the panic attack onslaught:-
“Why on earth did God create a bird that has both white and dark meat, which need to cook at different speeds and temperatures?”
“Will the turkey be too dry?”
“Will the turkey be under cooked?”
“Will the turkey be moist and juicy?”
“God, please protect my guests from salmonella even if the bird is raw!”
“What on earth are sweet potatoes and what do I do with them to turn them in to yams?”
“Is the word ‘yam’ the chinese way of saying ‘yum yum’ , but in half the time?”
“What is squash here? In England it’s a fruit drink so how can I use that in a meal?”
“Why do Americans like to put sweet dishes with savoury ones on the same plate? Who ever thought of jello salad swimming in turkey gravy!?!”
“Where is the cup of tea I am gasping for?”
These are some of the terrifying thoughts that go through the mind of a novice Thanksgiving chef. I know what you are all thinking right now. You’re asking yourselves the obvious question – “why worry about cooking turkeys at Thanksgiving because it’s no different to cooking a traditional Christmas meal. Surely you have done that Fran?”
The answer to that is yes, of course I have. However, Being English, I can claim to do a traditional English meal with the excuse that if it all goes wrong I can just say “Well, that’s how we eat it in England!” Some of you wouldn’t know whether I was telling the truth or not just because you haven’t had an English Christmas meal, so I can get away with it. Those of you who are English, or who have had a traditional English Christmas meal will probably never be invited here for Thanksgiving or Christmas! Sorry, but I have to protect my local reputation of being a good cook. (If only they knew…)
Anyway, now that we live here in America again I have won the annual fight with the cooking rules of a 20 pound piece of multi-colored meat that every one knows must be cooked to perfection, and they expect no less.
As long as none of my guests plan on doing the ‘Turkey Trot’ afterwards I’ll be ok. If you have the ‘trots’ where I come from, it’s slang for upset stomach! So, I can promise you that no one will be going on any “Turkey Trots” after eating at my house!
